w a l a l a n g . . .

LJ

2006-04-21T04:42:00.000-07:00

I wont be updating much anymore. Well, not here at least. I decided, and realized, that I like LJ better. Soo.. If you wanna know more about the stuff that are going around in my head.. Check this out instead:

Spontaneity.

Cheers!

wuuuh.

2006-04-19T22:48:00.000-07:00

21.25
Wuuuuh. CRUNCH TIME!!!!

21.30
Wuuuuh. Exam time!!!

22.04
Fuckity fuckity fuckity fuck.

22.26
Okaay. I took the product final assessment the first time.. and I failed. 15 out of 20 = 75%. And we should get friggin' 90%. I took it the second time... and got a hundred. Wheew.

This is so much like school and not like work. Gaaak.

I want chocolate!!!! :O *thanks go to Shin for giving me his Toblerone :D*

woo.

2006-04-19T02:01:00.000-07:00

Work.

It will be work for me the whole summer. My only class for summer was dissolved. Arrgh. And I cant take other subjects cuz 1.) I cancelled Anthro 10 due to work sked conflicts and 2.) the other *required* class I HAVE to take is already super full.

So.. the end result? Zero units for summer and a whopping 12 for next sem. My last sem ever.

**fingers crossed**

--*--

Guess who I saw this *early* morning after lunch and while burning?

The lone gay I hate most. I won't be saying his name.. but my friends, you know who he is. You just hafta know. *think grad comm people*

So, he's technically a graduate since last sem. And I cant really care much if he'll be teaching for the Ateneo (college) next sem. So what, diba?

Hmm.. Okay, maybe I do care. Wahaha.

Whatever.

--*--

I cannot take this no-sleep stint anymore. I am just so effing sleepy right now.

So much for sacrificing sleep over a new pair of glasses.

And I just hafta say this... the new pair rocks my socks. :)

--*--

I am... smitten.

work.

2006-04-19T01:48:00.000-07:00

i am at work. RIGHT ABOUT NOW. haay.

ive been working for two weeks. and it's slowly getting into my nerves. waaah.

-*-

i saw my friends earlier today. it was actually an overwhelming feeling to see them again. i havent seen my people for like three weeks already. and seeing them again just made me feel.. well.. at home again.

tss. mushy. tss.

-*-

i need kuya em's hug. *sigh*

shoutout: em, congratulations for bagging the best thesis award of the department. amazing! :D

onepointtwentyfive

2006-04-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Unofficial list of grades is out.. Na naman. :O

my grades this sem are okay. hehe. okay as in okay. let's see...

my fil50 is supposed to be around 2.75-3.0... but since Sir Iniego loved us so much... he agreed to change my attendance grade of 5 (yes, lagi kasing nagk-cut e!) to 1.5.. whee! and gave us a +5 for the final exam.. so, the final grade? 1.75! hehe!

my thesis grade is what shocked the hell outta me. =P my adviser gave me a grade of one point twenty-five. heeheehee. mahal ko na talaga si ma'am! :)

--*--

anyway...

i need to get you outta my system. it's driving me nuts. hrrr.

thankyousomuch.

freeassociation

2006-03-13T18:13:00.000-08:00

Thesis defense is something that would constitute my past. Hehe. It was an accomplishment I would NEVER forget. And I'd be forever thankful to my panelists...

Maam Vernie was not the white lady I once knew. And Maam Ginny was not her usual pang-ookray self. I love them both.

My adviser was always on my guard. I thank her for believing in me more than I did myself.

I cant believe it's already over.

But as for now, lwt me not celebrate just yet.. Hintayin ko na lang ang lahat na matapos.

In a coupla months, Ima leave UP. Huu.

--*--

After five months, I didnt know it would feel the way it did. LOL.

freud and psychoanalysis.

2006-03-05T13:53:00.000-08:00

.... heaven knows how embittered I am..

Cuz this angel has flown away from me
Leaving me in drunken misery
I should have clipped [her] wings
And made [her] mine for all eternity
Now this angel has flown away from me
Lord I had the strength to set [her] free
Did what I did because I love [her] so
Will [she] ever find [her] way back to me?

--*--

Let me stop the drama, let us cut the chase.

This rollercoaster ride has been going on for ages, although I am not really sure if it is indeed a rollercoaster kind of ride. Ahm, okay. That was weird. =p

As always, and as what could be expected of me.. I am in the state of confuciosity and chaos. How predictable can I be? Well, I cannot blame anyone here; maybe unconsciously I want to be in this. God, am I taking Freud seriously? Whatever.

I remember Krissy saying.. consciously, subconsciously [mali, dapat preconscious, according to dear old Freud =p], and unconsciously, I want only one person. Siya na yun. Maybe she was right. No, let not that be maybe, she is right, indeed. Arrgh.

What point am I making? Nothing. Let's just say I'm doing some free association to access my unconscious. Tangina, tama na nga.

Resulta lang ito ng magdamag na pag-aaral ng classical and neo-Freudian psychoanalysis. [sige lang, make yourself believe that. That is what you call defense mechanism to repress threatening information.] GAAAAAH. Psych 150 is driving me nuts..

--*--

I was in Starbucks Tomas Morato last night. I was there from 5 til 11 pm. It was nice studying there, kasi I did not know anybody kaya there were no distractions. Unlike in Katipunan, malaki talaga ang chances na meron akong makikitang kakilala, therefore, di ako gaano makakaconcentrate. Successful naman ako sa pag-aaral. Hindi ba obvious, napaka-psychoanalytic ng post na ito. Wehe.

May bago na naman akong crush na barista, si Earvin. For a moment last night, I actually thought his name was also Erwin.. nawindang naman daw ako, akala ko pareho name ng barista crushes ko. Haha. On second thought, baka displacement lang ginawa ko, ahem, defense mechanism na naman. Psych na naman.

Tama na nga. Wala nang pinapatunguhan ito.

--*--

Little has been said but much has been felt.. and done. What would be the next step? Where do we go?

Haay.

walkout

2006-03-03T14:26:00.000-08:00

It's almost over. ALMOST.

I'm scheduled to defend my thesis on the 11th of this month... and I'm scared. As in super scared.

I know there are a lot more pressing problems in our society, but I can't help but be rattled by my defense. It's not that I'm self-centered, it's just that I don't want to fail this. I don't want any of my panelists disapprove my thesis. Oh God.

Anyway, a lot has happened to the Philippines lately... And much has been said about it, although very little has been done. Personally, Ion't think GMA has the right and the power (even if she is the President and the Commander-in-Chief) to proclaim a State of National Emergency just 'cause she feels threatened and fears of losing the seat of power. Being that, I also believe that she doesnt have the right to lift PP 1017 just 'cause medyo tumahimik na ang mga taong against her. She is supposed to be feared by the people, and not the other way around.

Oh well... malabo talaga. Hehe...

--*---

On to the personal side... Wala lang. I'm majorly crushing on someone. Whee! :D

breathe

2006-02-17T14:50:00.000-08:00

I just came from my MS1 second exam.. Gawd, I was sooo sleepy while answering it.. haha.. sana pumasa ako. =p

--*--

After almost a month of being late, I've finally submitted my final thesis draft. Yaay.. except that it's sooo basura. Haha..

But as for now, it's good that I can breathe normally.. even for just a while.

I'm looking forward to revising it for the second draft.. I wanna beat Charls sa 21hours nya in front of the PC! Hehe! :D

--*--

Yay, magf-fair kame later... Hmm.. Magdamagan na 'to! :D

vday doesnt need to be sucky

2006-02-15T14:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Valentine's Day.

And it was the BEST one I've had in my entire life. :) no joke.

My friends and I had a Valentine's exchange gift thing and we really tried our very best to give our "valentines" the best day. Err.. Redundant.. Haha.

Anyway, I had the UP Music Circle serenade her (they forgot the flowers. Boohoo.), I gave her some chocs and her fave icecream (which turned out to be more like a milkshake. Haha.) and I still have a surprise coming up.. Wehe.

And the best part?

Charls made me go to SM North The Garden at promptly 8.15pm. And then...

Station 1: Dots and More
* I looked for Ate Cathy and she gave a CD with a note from Charls telling me to go to my next station...

Station 2: some pottery and plants stall
* Ate Norma gave me a box filled with homemade banana cake (Charls made it herself!) and some Kisses and candies... Then another note.

Station 3: Ice Monster
* Kuya Rick gave me two gifts: Starbucks Coffee and Cadbury Hazelnut.. Yum! And then on to my last station...

... at the end of the road, I saw Charls and Eiman with my flowers. Aww. That's the sweetest thing a friend has done for me.

and to cap the night, I made Charls libre to the UP Fair... Whee!!!

-*-

So you see, it doesn't really matter if you have that special someone on VDay... And VDay doesn't really have to be sucky if you're single.. What matters is who and what makes you truly happy not just on Vday but on any ordinary day...

And as for me, it's got to be my friends and family.

25

2006-01-29T20:43:00.000-08:00

January 26, 2006
19.05

Habang bumabiyahe ako mula sa hilagang bahagi ng Quezon City, napadaan ang jeep na aking sinasakyan sa isang institusyong tatawagin kong "gitna ng puso" (mula sa aking *bagong* kaibigan na si Albert Pocot.. hehe..).. Bigla akong napaisip.. at natulala. Ewan ko ba, bigla na naman kita naalala. *hindi ba doon ka ngayon?* Hay naku, ang labo talaga.

Hindi ko alam bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko. Diba dapat wala na? Dapat hindi na kita iniisip o kaya naalala. Bakit kapag may nakikita akong bagay na nakakapagpaalala sa'yo, parang bigla na lang ako napapatahimik? At minsa'y napapangiti. Bigla ko na lang naalala ang mga magagandang alala nating dalawa. Nakakamiss.

Bakit ganun? Bakit parang nakalimutan ko na ang lahat ng masasamang nangyari? Para ngang walang nangyari eh. Ang tangi kong naaalala ay iyong masasaya.. Tulad ng pagtambay at pag-inom ng kape, pagkain ng isaw, paglalakad sa kahabaan ng University Avenue, at panonood ng sine o di kaya'y pagkain sa mga paborito mong (o minsan ko) restaurants. Siguro ganun talaga, kunwari hindi masakit, laging masaya.. para maiwasan ko ang magalit... at para di na muling tumulo ang aking mga luha.

Pero alam mo kung ano ang gusto kong gawin? Umiyak. Gusto kong iiyak na lamang ang lahat ng naipong inis at sakit. Sa totoo lang, hindi pa talaga ako umiyak ng todo mula noong araw na iyon. At sa tingin ko, hangga't hindi ko nailalabas ang lahat ng ito, hindi ko tuluyang malisan ang kahapon.

Hindi pa siguro ako handa, pero sana dumating ang panahong iyon. Hindi madali ang ganito. Yung tipong paminsan-minsan ay naghahangad ka pa ring ibalik ang lahat.

Ang nakaraan.

*bow*

--*--

Time out. I realized it wasn't easy writing something in the vernacular. Haha, as if Tagalog is my vernacular. Anyway, I don't know what made me do something in Filipino. As a lot of you might think, it wasn't intended for the drama. Actually, I just wanted to use the term I got from Neo *aka Albert Pocot*, "gitna ng puso".. That, y'all, is the Philippine Heart Center. =p

Anyway, I've noticed a few changes that are happening in my life. Why they happen, I still have yet to find out.

Here they are:

I seem to be afraid of alcoholic drinks na. Maybe it was because of the super major hangover I had last Christmas. Tssk. When Yella celebrated her birthday, everyone was allotted 5 bottles of beer. And guess how many I was able to finish? ONE. Friggin' one bottle of dear Miguel. That is not typical of me. I swear to gosh.

I don't burn as much as I used to. Weehee. I could go on not breathing or burning *parang mas maganda ang dating ng breathing. LOL.* for as long as a week. Now that's HEALTHY! =D

I go home early. As in right after class or say, a few hours before curfew. Before, I almost always have to beat the curfew. Or reach home way past it. =p

I don't go to the movie house as much as I did last year. Huu. I can't really say it's because of thesis because apparently, I haven't accomplished much! *Am way past the deadline na nga eh!!* Now, I'm missing a lot of good movies na.. *ahemNARNIAahem**ahemLITTLEMANHATTANahem*

And lastly, I don't get to tambay at *bucks on a frequent (read: everyday) basis na. Am missing it na. *ahemERWINahem*

Now that's something for someone who doesn't believe in making resolutions and getting it done. =p

--*--

Shout outs:

Mayella Violet! *ahemTUESDAYSWITHMORRIEahem* =D

Charlene! *ahemWILLYOUDANCEWITHMEFOREVERahem* =D

Thankies in advance! Alabshu both. =p

--*--

January 25 came and went just like that. *sigh*

*

2006-01-25T13:44:00.000-08:00

... it's raining hard outside and I'm set to go to Congress this afternoon. Aaack. We're required to wear something business-y and with that, I'm wearing slacks and high heels.. So, just how am I supposed to meet up with my classmates in AS with the rain so hard? WAAAH.

--*--

Let me snap out of my rage.

Hmm.. A lot of things are pissing me off right now. A lot of things are in chaos. And I think I'll be in deep shit soon. Gaak.

* Nicki (my digicam) is busted.
* My thesis is not yet done. And it's supposed to be submitted THIS Friday.
* I'm not sure if I can join the grad march this April. Boohoo.
* I've a lot of papers that's waiting to be written.
* My social life *ahem*ahem* is in danger. HAHA.

but that's okay.. I can live with it. :)

--*--

I just finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie for the fourth time. And guess what? I cried. Again and again. It's weird how one book can have the very same effect even after reading it for the Nth time.. *am I making sense? I dont really know.. hehe*

Ohwell...

--*--

It's January 25.. Haaay. Friggin' memories.

...

2006-01-19T18:15:00.000-08:00

It's one of those rare times that I've actually thought about you. As in you, in general. Not what happened to us, or what happened AFTER... Just you.

Why suddenly, I ask myself... Clearly, I don't have the slightest idea.

I was studying for my Psych150 exam last nite, and it was during that moment of peace and tranquility that I felt the rush. Or whatever you want to call it. I hated and loved it at the same time. I actually didn't like the feeling of you know, wishing for those times to happen again when it's very clear it won't. Wishful thinking, how pathetic.

It's like this:

I miss those times when you'd nag me non-stop about studying and really staying up late for an exam.

I miss the times when you'd call me up at 7 in the morning just to make sure I'm awake in time for breakfast.

I miss the feeling of it all. The feeling that I know I always have someone I can talk to when things get too fuzzy. Just that.

What sucks is that after that moment, I just had to ask myself what went wrong and why it had to happen. If things were good and stable, why do other stuff have to come up pa to ruin everything?

It's sad. And I know that no matter what I do and no matter how many wishes I cast pa, it wouldn't happen again. Maybe it would, but the feeling would be helluva different.

*sigh*

hahahaha

2006-01-16T18:29:00.000-08:00

You scored as Theater. You should be a Theater major! Like a bohemian actress, you are seasoned and confident and not afraid to express yourself!

Linguistics

92%

Theater

92%

English

83%

Philosophy

83%

Journalism

83%

Sociology

83%

Psychology

67%

Anthropology

58%

Dance

58%

Mathematics

58%

Art

50%

Engineering

42%

Biology

17%

Chemistry

17%

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

Huwaaat? Theater? HAHA!!!

i might as well be dead.

2006-01-16T18:10:00.000-08:00

it's been quite a long time since i've actually posted a sensible thing here.. hmm..

okay, my parents and i are okay na. good god, just right noh. hehe. so, now that my life is less complicated than before, nothing's really up. except for a few things na constant. translation: no matter how hard you try to shoo these things away, *be it people, problems, or whatever* they just don't go away.

anyway, i've a couple of those *things* in my life. super constant, it pisses me off already. hohwell. there's this someone. toodoodoo...

do you believe that in our lives, there is always someone who's there no matter what kind of past you've actually shared with them?

i do. and what's sucky is the fact that there is someone like that in my life. i don't really understand the whole thing, why it's happening, why we're like this, and just why we're okay with it.

what i don't understand pa is the constancy. *you weren't like this before. why now?

anyhows, i'm okay with it. i'm glad he's still there. and that's how i want it to be, really. just the thought that he's still there in spite of the things that happened.

i know i'm selfish. i can't help it. haha. :D

--*--

anyway, i've started implementing na. thank goodness. :D

it's kind of magastos, i'm surveying a total of 6 classes with approximately 25 students per class. i buy pa tokens for the *kids*.. haha. that's 120 bux per class.. so... that's around 700 for the surveys.. plus other stuff pa for that darn thesis. ohgod.

i haven't started revising chapters 1-3 yet... then there's chapters 4-5 pa that's waiting to be written. but even before that, there are surveys that are waiting to be tabulated and analyzed. ohgod.

kill me. kill me.

censored

2006-01-15T00:09:00.000-08:00

happy birthday jak and charee! *huuug*

i love you both to death. :D

--*--

i sooo love this weekend. :)

it's mission accomplished. whee! :D so.... i'm soooo excited for the surprise at hand. what it is, well... it's a surprise. hehe.

i feel like someone's boyfriend, sooo psyched, worried and all that shit about giving "his" girl the BEST gift ever. haay. i wish someone *a guy!* would do that and go that far for me too. imagine roaming almost all of the metro's biggest malls with *that store* just to check if they have *that gift* haaay.

i just hope we could do enough to make *bleep* happy.

ahaha. andaming censored. =p

--*--

OMFG. would you believe me if i tell you na pingkamalan kaming *yels, charls, and i* TIBO ng dad ni yels?! OMG talaga. i do not look like, in any form or another, a tibo noh. no offense meant ha. pero that is so unlikely. if granny only knew what we talk about behinf the doors and walls of yella's room. maghunusdilika!!!!

i swear, it's so funny and nakakabahala at the same time.

--*--

thesis deadline is fast approaching. *ahemJAN20ahem* and i'm so far from finishing it! i haven't administered my surveys yet and i still lack two english classes for it. gaaak.

kill me now. please.

--*--

hmm... what are we?

stop making me think.

pffft.

fuckityfuckfuck.

2006-01-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

So much has happened within ONE friggin' weekend. I can't really put it all in words...

Just this: Why the fuck am I here? Why the fuck did I get THAT far just for friggin' nothing?

Let's cut the chase. I'm tired of playing games. Don't expect me to KNOW, cuz I apparently don't know anything.

--*--

.... *sigh*sigh*

Rockin' Christmas

2005-12-26T17:53:00.000-08:00

And Christmas has been awesomely wonderful. :D

I spent the night with the Sisons and it totally rocked. For a while, I forgot about how pissed I was with my parents. Haha. So anyway, the theme for this year's party was FUNKY friggin' FORMAL. Haha.. And I didn't dress up much as my Tita Tina did (Ima post the pics when I get back to my boarding house). God, she had this curly wig, two Christmas balls for earrings, some funky blouse, which btw was a friggin' midriff.. She had to cover her tummy everytime and a bluegreen shades. Yay, she totally rocked. Hehe. I wore Yels' aquablue halter top, my fave jeans and my new bestfriend, my black heels. Sarah said it was very high daw., and my Lola thought I grew taller. Wehe. =p

Anyway, we got to Lola Lita's house a few minutes before 12mn and the place was medyo sober pa. It was a relief to see Mario and Paulo there. :D our crowd was kinda down when I got there, but thanks to my cousins Miguel and Leo, we finally got a little rowdier. I'm not that close to them, yknow, and for the very first time, I enjoyed the company. :D

The best part? DRINKING SESSION! Haha.. That was all we did, I swear. At first, I had a beer. Then a tall glass of Vodka (which was intented for Tita PopC's and Tita Tina's consumption lang pala.. na inubos namin! :D) then a coupla glasses of Jack Daniels mixed with Coke... After the gift giving, we went back to the terrace to drink some more. We ran out of Vodka and Jack Daniels na so we had to settle for Black Label. MYGOD. We finished the bottle, me, Ina and Leo. MYGOD. Going home, I had to stop myself from puking in the car. It was the longest ride EVER. I swear to God that would be the last wasted night I'll ever have for this year. Haha. Yeah, this year. =p

I found out na I'm one of the not-so-wild part of the fam.. Kasi a lot of my cousins do weed and all that other stuff.. Even those younger than I am.. So... Dipa pala ako ganun ka-wild. LOL.

Lines to go by... from Miguel and Leo..

No matter what happens, never do it in a car. That's what you call CARma Sutra.
- Miguel (ahaha.. Yeaaaaah..)

I love long walks on the beach... I'm a very sensitive guy.
- Leo (Yea, right, Leo.)

How often am I here? C'mon.. Where's your drink?
- Leo (Kaya ako nalasing ng sobra eh!!!)

Don't think... Just drink!
- Miguel

--*--

Yeah, it was totally a rockin' Christmas.. The day after... I found myself beside the toilet bowl. JOKE. =p

wheeee!!!

2005-12-23T00:39:00.000-08:00

it's really true when they say that shopping is the best cure to sadness.

wheeee!!! :D yella and i went shoe shopping kanina.. and it was uber fun. hehe.. i finally got to buy a pair of black heels.. yaaaay!!! and i'm finally ready for the clan's Christmas dinner on the 24th.. :D

i'm one perky kid tonight.. haha! a happy one, i might add.. yels and i are going to alabang tomorrow.. i'm spending Christmas there with the Sison clan.. it's kinda weird that i'm actually looking forward to this thing when i'm not one who's fond of the family reunions.. it's just really weird.. i've promised myself that this year, since i wouldnt be able to spend it with my family, who btw are complete except for me and my brother who's in the States, ima enjoy the company of m second cousins. it's high time that i really get to know them na.. that might be fun. :)

i just wish it would really be one funky Christmas.

-*-

hmm... i'm feeling weird lately.

it's confuciosity and chaos na naman. i hate it ha..

can we just like get things straight na lang? :O

iont like guessing games.

and neither have i liked waiting.

hrrrm..

sighsigh*

2005-12-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

And this Christmas will be...

... a very special Christmas... NOT!

It's going to be a really different Christmas for me. And I'm betting it wouldn't be too fun either.

It's sad. It's going to be a really sad and cold Christmas.. In more ways than one. Hehe. ;p

--*--

I've been watching too much feel-good romance comedy-ish movies. It's not making me feel good. HRRR. It's making me sadder. Arrgh.

I'm sad. Yes, I am sad.. I don't really know why. Just thinking of what's happening in the now makes me sad.

... just when you think you're already fine with it... something comes up to make you say or feel otherwise. Huu. :(

I need a hug. Anyone? :O

...

2005-12-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

the kada (orgasm) had our christmas party last thursday night. it was fun but it wasnt super fun. gets? we werent complete kasi. charls had to go home to laguna cuz there was an emergency, charee had work, seth had problems with her thesis, krissy just couldnt make it, eiman was late, tong didnt come. huu. it's our last year together *technically, since we're graduating na* and our christmas party wasnt that fun. Õ

anyway, the inuman wasnt that happy too.. we had two bottles of passionfruit kristov *which was yummeeeh* and around a liter of mudshake. and we didnt get drunk. hmm... whatisdat. wala kasi yung tanggera namin eh. and charls wasnt there, so kulang ang kabadingan. hehe..

anyway.. i have not been going home to my boarding house na. kamusta naman noh? i slept at yella's from tuesday til thursday.. and then yesterday, jerome and i went out.. so, i slept at his condo. Ü

-*-

i cant understand what im feeling right now. i miss you but i dont like the feeling i get. ARRR.

It's Over and Done

2005-12-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

December 12, 2005
20.50

Hmm.. I've finally submitted the revision of my thesis proposal. Finally, finally. How I love that word. Haha. :D I'm doing the analysis of the data collected and it's driving me nuts. Gaaawd. Ö

Anyway, I got my first Christmas gift today.. A Hershey's Kisses chocolate! Exactly what I needed kanina.. I was in dire need of an upper and I had no money.. And when Sir Eric dismissed our Personality class, he passed around a mug-full of Hershey’s Kisses! Yaaay! I got two. Heehee. ;)

--*--

December 13, 2005
09.05

Ahm.. I wasn't able to finish my paper in Speech 134, ergo, I'm absent. Hehe.. I’m so tinatamad today. I swear.

My Mom's okay na with my not going home. Am not gointa enjoy Christmas anyway, with thesis? I don't think so. So.. am staying with my cousin in Makati. Wheee. :D but how can I tell her I need money before the break? Hmm..

I'm still sleepy but Yella's making kulit that I go to school na.. Waaaah. So… Whatev whatev. ;p

quickie part 2

2005-12-12T13:31:00.000-08:00

I'm finally done with my proposal. Yaay. :) what can I say? I'm just happy to be done with it. Haaah. Anyway, I am really going home. On Sunday. Crappeh.

Ahm.. What can I say? Wala.. I'm at a loss for words. Haha.. Oh well, I'ma be back later for the updates. LOL. I'm kinda running late for my submission. ;p

--*--

In the meantime, whoever is reading my blog, can you pretty please do a quick survey for me and my group? We have a paper for our class in Psychology of Language. And we have to do a lexixal domain thingie..

Here goes..

Narinig mo na ba ang salitang OKRAY? Puwes, para sa'yo to! :D

1. Ginagamit mo ba ang salitang okray?

2. Kailan mo ito ginagamit?

3. Anong pumapasok sa isip mo kapag naririnig mo ang salitang ito?

4. Ano para sa iyo ang kahulugan nito?

5. Ano pang ibang salita sa tingin mo ang related sa salitang okray?

6. Sa tingin mo, saan ito nag-originate? In other words, paano kaya naform ang salitang ito?

** if ever you'd be answering this, please let me know by tagging me and send the answers to barbie.jaranilla@gmail.com. THANKS! :D

Sad but Happy

2005-12-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

December 10, 2005
12.45pm Yellow Cab Katip

Im waiting for Yella, Am, Charls, and Martha to arrive. I just hope they come in any minute from now.. anyway, I got one of the best compliments today. It was kinda weird getting it from him but it somehow made me feel special. What made it even better is getting such a compliment at a time when I feel really crappy about myself.. Ö

Here goes.. in verbatim: ui, parang blooming ka this sem. Naks! I like your look when I saw you yesterday. Parang sobrang sophisticated. Ü

And that came from JP, the number one alaskador in the kada. Haha! It was just funny reading about it. JP kasi is someone very serious and his hirits are usually pang-asar, so it's unusual. Hehe.

Hmm.. blooming? Like, hellooooo?! That is funny. As in HAHA funny. Maybe because I don't worry myself about my rather fucked up love life. Or the lack thereof. :) donchathink so? :D it's actually a relief not having to think, or worse, worry about Someone. At least, I've got a lot more time for myself. And less headaches, too. Am I slowly turning into a cynic? Ahm.. Well..

JP and I texted about how fast we’re growing up. Yeah, it's just uber fast. It's scary thinking about what we'll do after graduation. Or what we'll be doing this time next year. It scares me to think that I might be a bum. I dont want to be. Thats the last thing I want to be. It's also scary to think that come April, we'll be part of the millions of unemployed graduates in the country. I don't ever want to put my college degree to waste. Even if my course is lame in itself. * how mean could I get? ;p* GAAAAH.

Fine. Why do I even worry about the future if my present *read: THESIS* is scaring the hell out of me? Okay, thesis mode. :)

Unang Araw

2005-12-09T03:39:00.000-08:00

December 9, 2005
Marine Science 1

It's exactly been a month. OMG. Can you believe that it's actually been a month? Okay, okay.. I'm redundant. LOL. I still can't fully grasp the entire idea that everything is final. By saying this, it doesnt exactly mean that Im not over yet. ERRM.. let me explain. I could be over, but not entirely. There are still times that I stop and feel that something is missing. I just feel sayang for it. It's not because I think everything was wasted, it's just that we weren't strong enough to hold on. If what we had for each other was really TRUE, then we should've stood for it. It's sad cuz a lot 'extraneous variables' *haha, thesis mode! :p* just had to come up and caused us to drift apart. It's also sad that we had to grow apart, enough to make us strangers to each other. It seemed as if we didn't know each other enough. It was like we were treading the same path but had very different goals. Were we not in the relationship to be together? A lot of things just had to happen, things that were supposed to bring us even closer.. but instead of keeping us together, it caused us to drift apart and eventually let go.

It's sad cuz we were not strong enough to be there each other.

Oh well.. life's tough, and we have to stand strong, if not for each other, for ourselves. It's tough growing up. You make mistakes in order to learn. What's worse though is when you make the same mistakes over and over again but you still don't seem to learn from them. LECH.

--*--

Moving on.. I wasn't able to submit my thesis proposal today. AACK. Fine, mapagpanggap na. Haha. ;p I was too lazy to work on it. FINE. But.. I also had to work on some translations that I had to give to Ma'am Cali,. Monetary motivation, you know. LOL. Anyway, at least my thesis umuusad na, Im just too lazy to work on it. I've been putting it off for three damn weeks. Gaaak. Hmm.. I was able to pilot test (again!) my questionnaires.. yaaaay! I just hope nothing goes wrong with it so I can implement on the first week of January na.. ohgod. Please, let it be okay. *fingers crossed*

Kanina was funny, I was talking with Ma'am Melanie about my plans for thesis.. Yeah, we're kinda close na. Hehe.. Anyway, I asked her who my panelists for thesis defense could be. I asked her if it was true na we'd have our Speech 199 adviser as one of the panelists. And she said it wasn't always the case daw. Then she asked me who my 199 prof was.. I told her it was Dr. Bulan, then she asked me if I wanted Dr. Bulan to be part of my panel.. Ahm.. I literally begged her NO. haha! :D

Dr. Bulan kasi is kind of moody and she asks the wrong questions. I swear. Questions that are not germane to our topics. How weird. She always stresses na everything should be germane to our research question and all but she's not applying it naman when it comes to giving advice! Labo.

--*--

Hmm.. Christmas is in the air.. But I cant feel it just yet.. Anyway.. Since it's gift-giving time once again.. ahemahemahem.. i hope somebody generous would give me some of these. :D

+ a few pairs of Havs! Yaay! :D *size 35/36!!!*
+ a lovely and sexy pair of heels
+ a new book *haven’t gotten around to do some book-surfing lately though*
+ the Ultraelectromagneticjam CD
+ DKNY Bedelicious ♥
+ a LAPTOP? ;p

--*--

.. and I just have to get this out of my system..

CRAAAAP.

i miss you.

thesis mode. kunwari. :D

2005-12-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

I'm going to pass my revised chapters 1-3 tomorrow. I swear I will.

My parents are insisting that I go home for Christmas. ARGH. I really don't want to. I swear. Hrmf. To make things harder, my Mom's coming next week. Aaaaack!

Hmm.. The UP Lantern Parade's next week na. In line with that, I need a date!! Haha.. We have a thing kase na when we watch the Parade and the fireworks, we'll be bringing dates. Craaap. Baket ngayon pa?? Oh well... If ever Ion't have one... I'll be going.. dateless. Or if not, no na lang. ;p

Oh oh... I wanna watch Emily Rose... Samahan niyo ako! :D

--*--

Yels and I watched In Her Shoes yesterday. It was nice.. :) pero mas fun yung eating part.. I had Caesar's Salad, Big Bird and Rice from Chef d'Angelo.. Today naman Chicken Wings and Paella rice and Caesar's Salad from Pizza Hut.. sarap! :D

--*--

My Thesis is calling me.. Err.. Haunting me pala. Haha. :)

crap.

2005-12-07T10:31:00.000-08:00

The final chapters 1, 2 and 3 of our thesis is due on FRIDAY and I'm not freaking out. That freaks me out... Gaah. It's okay not to freak out if everythings's okay already... If I've got everything figured out. But hello hello? I'm not yet done! I still have to pilot test (yet again) and I have to revise. Crap. And now, I'm not doing anything! Instead, I go out, watch movies, gimmick and get occupied by stuff like that. I've had too much fun already. Crap.

Why am I not pressured? Why am I being a mediocre? CRAAAAP.

Anyway, kaya ko 'to.. Ako pa? :D

--*--

My Dad's insisting that I go home for Chrismas.. Idontwaaaaaant. I swear, I really don't want to. I don't know why.. Maybe because I ain't feeling Christmas. I still have a lot of issues to settle and facing them would mean going home.

There's just one thing that I dont want to face. Even after 6 months of knowing about it, I still am not okay. I guess I will never be okay.

Last May, my Dad introduced me to my other siblings. Okay, we are 6 (3 from my Dad's first fam and 3 from my Mom).. Plus another 3 from... Ahm.. Ionno what to call her. There. I don't want to spend Christmas with my Dad cuz I'm still not okay with it. And no matter how people pressure me to talk to him about it, I just don't want to. I hate it. I don't know if I hate him but I hate the fact that he's betrayed me. And most especially my Mom. I don't even know if my Mom already knows about this.. Knowing her, she has the tendency to ignore it. She's having a hard time facing facts.. And I don't want to see her face it. It's been hard for me, I know it'll be so much harder for her.

I was supposed to be okay with everything already. But there was one incident when my Dad told me nonchalantly about the youngest of the three. At that time, I didn't know that they were three pala cuz my Dad only introduced me to Dianne and JP, so they were only two... But no, they were three (just like all of us). And what irked me most was the fact that the youngest was his junior. WHY? I hate it. I really do...

My angst over my birthday is over but there have been a lot of damage (or whatever you call it) already.

Oh well...

--*--

Magt-Thesis mode na lang ako! :D

flashback

2005-12-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

December 4, 2005 * 3.35 PM

While scanning my *favorite* notebook, Ive found a few journal-ish entries which I never dared anyone to read. Now, Im writing them, a way to slowly let go of everything.

--*--

July 28, 2005 * 4.04 PM Starbucks

Oh well, I think it is going to be final. For now, at least. There is pretty much nothing happening. Putangina, what does *he want to happen? What does *he want to do with this relationship?! I tell *him how I feel, he always, always backs down. I do not want to runaway from all this anymore. I want to fix whatever the matter is. I am scared, so damn scared, but what can I do? *He doesnt seem to be interested. I am tired. All I need is a little assurance from *him. I just want to know if *he still needs me, or even loves me enough.. to want me to stay.

August 13, 2005 * 11.16 PM

Why do I suddenly feel like giving up and getting out? Why do I feel like there is pretty much nothing left of this relationship? Is it because im not happy anymore? NO. or is it because of what *he said? I DONT KNOW.

I dont know. Im sick of saying I DONT KNOW. Im sick of being indefinite. Im sick and tired of everything. But why the fuck am I still here? It is primarily because of that friggin thing called love. Dammit. And it is also because of that thing called faith.. faith that we are going to get through all this shit.

But is there a tiny chance (even just a tiny, tiny bit?) that this relationship would work? Are the anchors holding us that strong to hold us both? Or is it just me who is hoping that there would really be an "us" in the end?

Please God let me know.

September 7, 2005

It is true when they say that you have to trust what your instincts tell you. It could hurt but thats just the way it is.

I thought the problem was with me when our first cool off came about. Yeah, it actually was my problem. But just when things were supposed to be fine na, something even worse comes up.

*He wasnt supposed to tell me about it last night but I prodded. Okay, *he has been dating. *He dated. For two fucking months.

I dont know why I cant get mad. I dont know why I seem to be okay with it. I dont know.

Im hurt, yes, but ive still accepted *him.

I love *him. Need I say more?

--*--

It just occurred to me.. we havent really been okay for months already. But I had faith that we will be fine. Now what?

Oh well. I can be so stupid at times. Teehee. ;p

angst angst angst!

2005-12-04T16:48:00.000-08:00

December 1, 2005

My birthday came and went just like any ordinary day. It was nothing special (except for the surprise my CCs prepared for me). It was just a typical day.

It certainly is special for me, it will always be, but as always, it turned out to be nothing significant. An ordinary day wouldve been better, it wouldve prolly been happier. I wouldve been happier if it were an ordinary school day.

But the problem is, it wasnt any ordinary day. It was my birthday and I wasnt happy. I AM NOT. Im so far from it. And few of the ONLY people who could make me really happy didnt even exert any effort. I couldve understood it if they were not my family. If they were just my friends, it wouldve been okay, but no, they are my family. And thats where the difference lies. THEY ARE MY FAMILY.

It hurts to think that they think a text message would suffice. That one or two birthday greetings would make all the angst and loneliness go away. That that message would fill the void im feeling. It wouldve been much better if it were a call, at least I could hear and say feel whatever emotion they were feeling.

Is a one-minute call too much for a daughter? It wouldve made me feel better. It wouldve made Mindanao nearer to Luzon. It wouldve changed a lot.

Case in point, however, that is not what happened. And wishing for it now wouldnt change anything. My birthday has come and gone. And that ONE special day is 365 days away. And I bet it would still be the same.

I never really felt special anyway. So why rant about it? Im just wasting my tears on things that have long been wasted.

It is just too much for me. Instead of having a family for an anchor when the going gets too tough, ive friends in replacement. And I thank God for giving me friends like that. Theyre the last strand of hope im holding on to (especially now that with the other strand is gone). Without them, I dont know how id be able to cope.

My other two strands are holding on too weakly. The other is there.. and I cant really say if *he's there.

I just feel so lost.

quickie.

2005-12-02T11:31:00.000-08:00

this is gointa be quick.. ive class right about now.. heheh...

ahm... guess what? my birthday came and went JUST LIKE THAT. just like any ordinary day. haaaay..

i'm sad. the past is catching up with me. shit. shit. shit.

i hate it when i'm like this.

gawd.

i need my sanity back.

dull birthday.

2005-12-01T20:01:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday.

Thankyouverymuch.

First off, I'd like to think about the good things that happened today... :)

I'd like to thank the people who really made me happy *ahemahem*... Yels, Charls, Am, and Em.. Thank you for the surprise.. The cake was matalap... Hehe.. Shempre, cheesecake yun eh! And thank you for the birthday note.. It was truly a kilig moment. :p medyo nilaglag lang ako noh!?

I've to admit that I didn't expect anyone would actually prepare a surprise for me. i've given up hope already. For the past four years, my birthday has been anything but special. Much more happy. And it sucks. Not even my OWN family has exerted effort to make me happy. It's just like any ordinary day.

How did I spend it? Well, just like any ordinary day. It could've been that ordinary if not for the amazing surprise my friends pulled off. I went to class, met up with my friends, ate at Mickeyd's and watched a movie. That plain. Nothing special.

It's sad to be sad on my birthday. How redundant. Shouldn't I be happy? Yes, I should be. Operative word: should. But I'm not. There are always momentary slips of sadness. No matter how I try to be happy, no matter how big my smile is, I couldn't fool myself. Even if there are reasons to be happy, I just can't be.

To my *orgasmic* friends, this doesn't mean that you didn't make me happy. You always make me happy. You were the only ones who made me happy today. And I'm very thankful for that.

This may seem mushy but it seems like you're the last string of hope left in my life.

I love you all.

and all that Sh*t goes down the drain...

2005-11-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

I'm scared. I don't know why... Ohwell.. I'm scared of what might happen next - after that meeting and finding out that hey, we're cool and all that. I don't exactly know if I should be happy about it or if my reactions were right. I don't know if it was right to be friendly and shit.. I don't even know if it was right to be this >< close.. I don't know. ARGH.

I'm clearly confused. :(

It's happy and weird at the same time. Happy cuz we're friends and weird cuz we seem to be okay with it.

I feel that it isn't right but I want it to be like that. ARGGGGH. CONFUCIOSITY!

I'm okay, I'm good. *Or am I just fooling myself??*

Okaaay.. I'm just scared of what'll become of us. SO DAMN SCARED.

*** after that weekend, all I could ask myself is why? Why did it have to be sooo bad that it had to end?

-*-

Moving on....

I'm annoyed. Annoyed with my parents. I swear!

So annoyed that I don't even want to go home for Christmas. =O

I may be a self-centered brat but don't I deserve a decent birthday celebration with my friends? Why didn't they just tell me right off the bat that they didn't want it? Why keep me hanging.. long enough and not make paramdam? GHAD! I'm just so friggin' annoyed!

It's not just cuz of a birthday dinner cancelled.. I just hate the fact that I haven't spent a decent birthday in my entire college life. I HATE IT.

-*-

Anyway.. Ima be cool about it.. :) I've released it anyway through a coupla beers at Dencio's and Cantina anyway... 5 bottles and I'm damn tipsy! Haha! :D

iwannadrink... iwannadrink... ahemahemahem.... :D

One-half gay. Another half gay-er.

2005-11-24T20:09:00.000-08:00

* Change is definitely inevitable.
* Friends come, friends go. But there are some who stay and make life happy. [Ahem. Ahem.. "Ang dull talaga talaga ng life pag wala kayo.."]
* We really are growing up. Haaay.
[By growing up meaning... Coffee, coffee and coffee. Serious talks about thesis, future, lovelives, and all that shit, mis-interpretations of words like... Come, withdraw, saw, conquered.. Blahs.]

VEDI VECI VENI. I saw, I conquered, I came.

-*-

Anyway... I heard this thing from Yella yesterday:

3 things GUYS do to cope with a break up:

* They date other girls.
* They go to the gym.
* They drink.

3 things GIRLS do to cope with a break up:

* They clean up.
* They beautify.
* They shop.

ME? Ahm... I went jogging, I drank (as in!) but they were uber FUN drinking sessions and.. well.. Yun na. Haha. Myghad, I think I were a guy in my past life. Haha.

-*-

I don't know what makes my life uber happy these days... Okay, fine.. I DO know.. It's those tiny creatures you call f.r.i.e.n.d.s. Haha. How orgasmic! :p

Ahm... For the past few weeks, Charls, Yels and I have been sooo bading. As in baks! Chorvaloo, chorvalescence, chorvaness, chorvachuchu... And all that. It's starting to be a part of me already. Ohmygod. Heee. ;)

I have been spending so much time with my friends since the sem started and it just feels so damn good to have them around. I mean, they were there when I needed comfort. They weren't really empathic and all that but they were true. They were happy for me and that's what friends are, they just want me to be happy. And yes, I AM HAPPY.

I haven't been able to stop and think about all the shit that happened in my life, I haven't cried since that night. But hell, it doesn't make any difference anyway. I've got a life to live, subjects to have an UNO for and a thesis that's waiting to be worked at.

It's quite sad though how things just had to end. It was nice, fun and good at some point. But yeah, I guess I've finally understood why my friends *hated* my being so into it when in reality, it was crappy. It's sad to realize that. But more than anything, it's sad to lose *him.

ENOUGH.

-*-

But you know what makes everything sadder?

Losing a friend.

Now, I'm not yet in the right frame of mind to talk about this. :(

-*-

My god. I'll be turning 20 in a week. Tsssk.

PARTAAAAAY!! :D

Now, let's all drink to that!

CUT.

2005-11-17T10:49:00.000-08:00

This is my first cut for this sem. And I hate it.. If it weren't for this stupid photocopier who wasn't able to finish photocopying my book at the due time... I would be in class! ARGH!

Anyhows... Last Tuesday was one helluva day.. Dig this: Went to class til 4pm, went to Drew's for BOOZE!!! Then went to *bucks at 8-something PM to sober up... Then decided to go to Quattro in Timog to drink some more. LOL. We stayed there up til 1 am.. And then.... Went home to Yella's... TO EVEN DRINK SOME MORE. My god... It was a drinking blast from 5pm til 5am!!! GAAAH.

Hay.. It was fun though. :D

Off to class!

Finally.

2005-11-12T10:49:00.000-08:00

November 9, 2005

*Fade in: Ayoko na munang makita ka, ayoko na munang makasama ka...*

I dont know what it is that makes such a perfect date have a very bitter ending. I hate it when this happens. I hate having what-should-haves and what-could-haves. I dont like tormenting myself with thoughts that tell me "You should have asked this, said that, done this.." I hate it. And I apparently dont have any clue on who or what to blame.

I wanted to ask *you if youre still happy, because as far as I can see it, you are not.

--- fast forward to November 12, 2005. NOW. ---

It is weird how one only notices the beauty of a song's lyrics when you get to read it word-for-word or minus its music. This holds true for me especially when my friends and I were having a great time with the videoke last Monday. Whenever this incident happens, we would stop from singing and stare at each other with a look that says, "Ay, ganun pala lyrics nun?"

As for me, some of the lyrics hit me right where it should really really hurt. It actually helped me realize some of the things in my life that I always keep in denial. It felt as if the song was talking to me. HAHA.

*All the Love in the World The Corrs

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friend, I'm more than O.K.
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe (I'm missing) I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...
(Don't wanna wake...) Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it
I have no hestitation
My imagination just stole me away
(Still...) Still I believe
(I'm missing) I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me...
(Don't wanna wake...) Don't wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give... all the love in the world

Love's for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With no one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me...
(Don't wanna wake...) And i won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world
(Don't wanna wake up alone anymore...)

This is Charls' song for me. My anthem. Hehe.

*Somewhere Down the Road Barry Manilow

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Guess I always knew insideI wouldn't have you for a long time
Those dreams of yoursAre shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away
I have no right to make you stay

But somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know the heart of yours
Will come to see
That you belong to me

Sometimes goodbyes are not forever
It doesn't matter if you're gone
I still believe in us together
I understand more than you think I can
You have to go out on your own
So you can find your way back home

And somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter where
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
Will come to see
That you belong with me

Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so
We had the right love at the wrong time
Maybe we've only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come
Cause somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter where
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
Will come to see
That you belong with me

From the beginning up til the end of the song, I sat there dumbstruck. It felt so close to home.

*I Dont Want to Miss a Thing Aerosmith

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wonderin' if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever
Don't want to close my eyesI don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with youRight here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't want to close my eyesI don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Oh yes, even the loudest song can be romantic. Charls said it is the best AfS song. =D

-*-

Anyway.. so much has happened to me in the last 3 days. It still doesnt feel REAL to me. I wouldnt deny that I am somehow still in shock, in denial of whatever happened. It hurts. But as they say, love really does hurt.

I dont know if I will ever trust and believe in it again. After being so vulnerable, I guess ive grown to be cynical about that thing called love. And I dont want to get THISCLOSE to it ever again. I dont want to put my self sooo out there again.

But then again, who knows?

In Havana, at the Copacabana, have a Banana :D

2005-11-08T14:42:00.000-08:00

I'm back; alive and kicking. LOL.

Being back equals a lot of things to me.. Hmm.. Goodbye to detox mode, back to my normal self and endless sleepovers and all-nighters... Yeehaa!

I just arrived yesterday and the first thing I did was meet up with my friends.. Yeah, since I wasn't able to get my ID from my boarding house, I wasn't able to get my registration materials.. But of course, I still went to AS to bum with them.. It's no hassle anyway since I got everything from the CRS, so... I'm almost done. :D

We went to Eastwood yesterday afternoon.. Yeah, it was like soooo HOT noh.. Hot meaning mainit at maaraw! Kamusta namang 2pm andun na kame? Haha.. We did a lil windowshopping, Daytona racing.. I won against Mayelluh.. Haha.. And helluvalot of videoke singing! We were at the videoke room for more than an hour! Haha!! Afterwards, we ate our very early Christmas dinner *LOL* at Fazoli's and after-dinner coffee at Starbucks..

Mygollybanana, I was like, THISCLOSE to heaven. HAHA! I finally had my coffee *and some =p* fix and I had a helluva great time with my friends. It was indeed the best way to start off the sem. YAY.

Oh yeah, as for those people *actually, person lang yun eh! Blech!* who hate OrgASM... F*ck off. HRMF.

And for those people who are so insecure of our batch, *same thing applies*.. Hay nako ha, di naman issue, ginagawang issue! LECHE.

-*-

Anyhows, it's a berihappehdei... =D

2005-10-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

Unofficial list of grades are out. GAH.

They're quite okay... I've got nothing to worry.. I would still be graduating this academic year. WHEW. IF I'd be able to straighten some things. ;) hee.

-*-

So, anyway.. I am finally home. ;)

Nakakapagod maging bum ha! Nakakaurat mag-detox ha! I swear, di ko kakayanin ng matagal to.. :o by detox, I mean detox from everything na pede i-detox ha. God, tagal ko na di nakaka-burn.. Tssss...

Anyhows, kaya pa naman eh. Hahaha...

Basta, I'm not quitting just yet! :p

Yay!

2005-10-05T20:06:00.000-07:00

I am finally done with thesis. YAAAAAY!!!

With that in hand, I soooo deserve to slack off. NOT! I still have 4 papers in Theater, a term paper in Sp135, a final take home exam in Sp136 and a final exam in Socio. Sooo...

But whatever the case is, I still need an MOS. As in.. I swear.

Haha.

Yun lang.. And oh, I'm going home on Sunday! YAAAY!

repost.

2005-09-26T04:37:00.000-07:00

beware: mushy content. hehe. this is a repost.

-*-

Do you really need a reason for loving someone?

Let me see..

I love you because of all the things you make me see.
I love you because you bring out the best in me.
I love you because you stick with me in spite of being me.
I love you because of all the silly little things you do that make me happy.
I love you because you know exactly what to do when I feel down.
I love you because you know exactly what makes me happy.
I love you because of how baboy you can be. :p
I love you because you're the ONLY person I can't nag.
I love you because you're the ONLY person na di ko matiis.
I love you because you are the cutest person pag nagtatampo.
I love you because of how uber protective you can be.
I love you because you spoil me too much.
I love you because you're way brattier than I am.
I love you because of all the nagging you do when I don't study.
I love you because of ALL the things we had to go through to get THIS far.
I love you because of how focused and dedicated you are to the things you want to accomplish.
I love you because you make me happy.
I love you because of all the things I can be and I can do when I'm with you.
I love you because YOU are YOU.

Aww, shit. I can't list them all. I never can.

Then again, I think you love because you just do. No reasons. No whys. No hows.

*

Tama na ang pagka-mushy.

Bettah!

2005-09-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

I am supposed to be in Pasig for our CWTS immersion.. haha. Right where the action is - General Milling Corporation's laborers' pickett. Hohwell. It is sooo nakakatamad ha! Hrrm.

Whatever.

I am feeling better na. Goodie. Quite disappointed, but it is better than last week. :D

-*-

Sooo... Kamusta naman ang thesis? Hrrr... Kamusta lang ang masasabi ko! Haha! Gaaak, malapit na 26!!! GRRRR.

Goodluck na lang...

At kamusta naman ang pagiging walang kwenta ng post na to? KWERBS! =p

-*-

I am going to sit here with you by the river. If you go home to sleep, I will sleep in front of your house. And if you go away, I will follow you -- until you tell me to go away. Then I'll leave. But I have to love you for the rest of my life.

-- By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

bLank.

2005-09-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

*Neon

Your smile is gently freezing
The snow throws it away
You're the laughter in my silence
The cold that keeps me awake
Green towel is soft spoken
With thoughts you never knew
Coz the lies and empty promises
I blew them all in hue
How does it feel?
How is it that I can't feel?
Coz I, I need to know
Coz I, I know I can never be enough
To replace your whatever
And I, I think it's shiny and blue
Like a dance that's see-thru
Coz I, I know I can never be enough
To replace your whatever
Now everything is silent
And everything is still without you near
Everything about you
The world was something new
And I was there in the open
Well, just to be with you
But every time I see the shelter
And every time I walk away
You're the laughter in my silence
The cold that fuels my day
How does it feel?
How is it that I cant feel?
Coz I, I need to know...
Coz I, I know I can never be enough
To replace your whatever
And I, I think it's shiny and blue
Like a dance that's see-thru
Coz I, I know I can never be enough
To replace your whatever
Now everything is silent
And everything is still without you near
And every time I see you passing by
I'll just stay here waiting for you
And I will talk to myself on a lazy Sunday afternoon
And I'll still sing that prayer for you
I'll be a little bit kind enough for me
While I try to be so perfect, you'll see that
And nothing can compare to whatever lies out there.
There's no one here...
There's no one here...
There's no one here...
There's no one...

-*-

I can no longer feel. I have been numb from whatever feeling - pain or delight; it seems the same for me.

When will this end? When will this be over?

What did I do to deserve this? What should I do to right whatever that has been done wrong?

-*-

I have been wounded, yes. But it is more my ego that has been hit, my pride that has been defeated. My heart has long been shattered; it has been broken into pieces.

I can no longer feel. I can no longer cry. I can no longer feel.

-*-

I am starting to get used to this feeling. It sucks. I don't want to get used to it cuz if I do... Haaay. I don't even want to think about it. GRRR.

BREAK.

Do It Again, I'll Kill You.

2005-09-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

Bummer. I just got an email from my Sp136 prof.. Am in big trouble.

How did I pass Comm3 without knowing how to make a correct SSP? I dont know. I cant remember. I dont care. ARGH.

-*-

I am stupid. I know. And it hurts.

Oh well.. Am pretty immune to this already.

F*ck, I cant even write out my thoughts coherently. Blech.

Anyway, it's all in the past so why bother thinking about it? Ive got a future *if I ever have one* to prepare for..

-*-

As for now, Ive to beat these friggin deadlines:

Sept 20 - Intercultural Soiree
Sept 23 - Sp135 Term Paper / Sp136 Persuasive Speech
Sept 26 - Chapters 1-3 of Thesis with Questionnaires pilot tested
Sept 30 - Theater Prod

in betweens - Th161 reaction papers, Th161 concept paper, Sp138 Intercultural interview, artifact and paper..

Putangina! Kakayanin ko kaya to?

-*-

Once is human.
Twice is sinful.
Thrice is too much.

Don't look at the trees, look at the forest.

Fucking break it off.

Thanks. Sana kaya ko.

-*-

Putangina talaga. Wala na.

Can it Be?

2005-09-04T21:12:00.001-07:00

All I Ask of You
* Phantom of the Opera

No more talk of darkness
Forget these wide-eyed fears
I'm here, nothing can harm you
My words will warm and calm you
Let me be your freedom
Let daylight dry your tears
I'm here, with you, beside you
To guard you and to guide you

Say you'll love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summer time
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

Let me be your shelter
Let me be your light
You're safe, no one will find you
Your fears are far behind you

All I want is freedom
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me
To hold me and to hide me

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you

Share each day with me, each night, each morning

Say you love me

You know I do

Love me,
that's all I ask of you
...

Anywhere you go, let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you

//*//

Think of Me
* Phantom of the Opera

Think of me
Think of me fondly when we've said goodbye
Remember me
Once in a while, please promise me you'll try
When you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment/Spare a thought for me
We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me
Think of all the things we've shared and see
Don't think about the way things might've been
Think of me
Think of me waking, silent and resigned
Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days
Look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you

Can it be
Can it be Christine?

Long ago, it seems so long ago
How young and innocent we were
She may not remember me
But I remember her

Flowers fade
The fruits of summer fade
They have their seasons, so do we
But please promise me that sometimes you will think...
Of me..

Sad Story

2005-09-03T11:01:00.000-07:00

* For a moment, it seemed like I got out of myself and came to look at my life from an outsider's point of view..

August 31, 2005 * 10:12 am
Educ Lib / Serials Section

What could possibly be wrong with me? Just what the fuck is my problem?

I dont really think Ive some problem, it's just that sometimes, I get out of my mind and then *WHAM!* I go looking for problems when in reality, Ive more than I can bear. I must be a little crazy, eh?

Things with Dack and I, our relationship is perfectly fine. The problem with me is that I look at the things which are NOT there that I neglect what IS there. I get too caught up with the little things that I miss out on the more important stuff -- like HIM. I fuss over what is said that I forget to think about the subtext, the more important details that are mostly left unsaid. I assume too much that I forget to listen to what he is saying and forget that he too, has feelings and that I hurt him because of all the shit that has gotten into my mind. I get too busy thinking about myself. I forget that in this relationship, there is not just a me and a him.. there us also a WE and an US.

I am so selfish. I just look out for what is best for me. I should also look out for what is best for him.. and this relationship too.

I think too much when the best thing to do is LISTEN.

-*-

September 3, 2005 * 10:14 am

I know I have been so selfish. I exactly do not know why I am like this. I mean, Dack has done helluva lot of things for me already. And still I complain that there is something missing? That he neglects me? That he takes me for granted? I know. It is bull.

Putanaman, it sucks that it takes a cool off pa for me to realize all this. GRR. How can I be so f*cking stupid? Just how stupid can I get huh?!

It is not every time that you are given a second shot at love.. and yes, I know.. kelangan ko umayos.

Breakdown.

2005-08-30T11:38:00.000-07:00

August 30, 2005 * 10:40 am
Gen Ref, Main Library

** I am the Library right now. Having nowhere to go... So, here.

We are on cool off. I don't know if it's indefinite or what, but still, it's cool off. For the most part, I'm okay with it. Well, for now, I am. The thought hasn't really sank in yet. Why, you may ask... Maybe we really need a break to think about ourselves. I'm in this pathetic state of depression, you see. It's rather odd how I find *joy* in tormenting myself with sadness. It's starting to be perpetual already. I find reasons (which are unreasonable) to be sad. I ask him questions I shouldn't ask in the first place. I blame him for my loneliness and pain which are, for most part, none of his fault. I put myself in a situation and I expect him to come through for me, worse, I blame him for it. I am unfair, don't you think so?

Last night, I wished that he break up with me even for no apparent reason. What did I get? Well, I ALMOST got what I wished for -- only it was a cool off. This is my fault, actually. I pushed him to this direction. But I don't really regret it. We do need a break. I especially need it. I think I've to go see some psychotherapist before I get a nervous breakdown and before this friggin' depression even become perpetual.

It's sad but amazing how I didn't even shed a tear. Maybe because my tear ducts are already drained and my heart is already devoid of feeling anything. Because I make myself sad for no reason, I'm already alienated to other feelings that sadness is the only feeling I can associate with. Pathetic, isn't it?

Maybe after all this, I would be able to know and understand myself better. And only then would I be able to love fully.. And when that time comes, I hope, I really really hope he'd still be there.

**

Dumbydum..

2005-08-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

August 28, 2005 * 00:58
Jollibee Philcoa

Am, Em and I are here in Jollibee Philcoa to work on Em's thesis (research question nia kasi napakaproblematic!). Take note, Em's thesis. Only his. Ahaha. This is what you call sibling revelry. :D

Anyway, I'm bent on finishing a list of what I wanna do before I graduate.. And I've to accomplish them!!

Here's the partial list:

* Go to some beach on sembreak, preferably Cebu, Bohol, Camiguin, Siargao or Boracay. :p
* Have a weekend getaway with Him.
* Donate blood.
* Go rock climbing / rappelling.
* Deep sea dive! *haha, sana lang pede ako..*
* Snorkel. *Em, it's what you call relaxing. :p*
* Go white water rafting.
* Bring everyone in OrgASM to the resort.
* Be a Starbucks barista!
* Learn how to drive.
* Cook something for my family.
* Introduce Dack to the whole family.
* Lose weight!

-*-

As promised, here's Yella's list of things she wants to accomplish before she graduates:

Kikay by a Dozen and more...

* Pass the LAE.
* Join a debate tournament.
* Finish the Kada yearbook.
* Go to Mass.
* Finish another song.
* Get over Fritz.
* Kiss Gino.
* Get an Econ subject.
* Make kulot my hair.
* Get my driver's license.
* Get Sir Kraft's cellphone number.
* Maging boyps si Jonathan.

----

* Increase my vocab by 5000 words.
* Give each and everyone in OrgASM one thing they wish for.
* Quit smoking.
* Work in a law firm.
* Go back to the gym.
* Pay all my utang from Dad.

** Papatayuan naming ni Charleeenaaah si Mayella ng rebulto pag na-accomplish nia ang mga bagay-bagay na naka-bold. :D ahaha..

-*-

Hmm.. I just uploaded the Birthday Bash pictures sa Multiply.. Here's the link *crazed stability*.. Check nio na lang.. Andame kasi pag ip-post ko pa here.. Heehee.

-*-

Haaaay. I wanna do something.. I want something.. But I can't do it, and I can't get it.. Huu!

Gradpic

2005-08-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

Gradpic taking is done. Actually, last week pa yun. At oo noh, I waited for 5 hours just to have my pic taken! Mygullible. Nakakapagod maghintay.

Anyway, contact prints were already released yesterday. Imana pose the pics next time. Heehee. I luuurve the toga and the sablay and the informal shots. Ang creative ko ay okay lang. Pumalpak kase ang tambay look and pose kase naman wala silang table.. Hayness.

Oh, speaking of gradpic.. Whatdachenes, Pat, my blockmate wrote an article about it. At oo, andun ang pics namen sa column nia! Whatisdat!

Aalis na ako. Pramis!

Momentum

2005-08-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

The momentum is back... Hopefully.

I'm going to the Library in a little while to kweba myself. Haha. Thesis topic defense would be on Monday.. Gah. Ohwell, I still have roughly a week to do everything.

By everything I mean Chapters 1 to 3. Imana revise my Chapter 1 and then get helluva lot of RRLs for Language Proficiency and a bit more on Communication Apprehension.. As for that friggin methodolgy, wala pa akong scales!!! Powtah!

But yeah, all's good. I can do this. Haha.

-*-

I am currently needy. Uhmm.. Perpetual na ata to eh. :p

-*-

Off to the Lib!

A Lot Like Love

2005-08-26T02:37:00.000-07:00

I had one of the longest "dates" with Dack tonight. It wasn't the usual one though.. Usual being either one of these: talk over coffee at *bucks or movie and dinner. Tonight, we had a very short talk at *bucks (coffee included) and... BURNED. Yeah, it is soooo NOT usual. I mean, I don't smoke when I am with HIM. But yeah, yeah, things change, right? And one of the weirdest, craziest and funniest things happened -- he's back on the stick. Hah. After coffee, we went over to A Different Bookstore (we were in Araneta, btw) to check some books and then after, went back to Gateway to check Fully Booked.. And then there was dinner at Pancake House.. And then binulabog si Eunice sa bahay niya. Ahaha..

It wasn't the usual. YES. I had fun. I got the comfort I so badly needed. Had tons of laughter.. It was just one of the best.

BUT..

Somewhere along the line, something always goes wrong.

Somewhere between hello and goodbye.. And as for me, something went wrong during the ride from Eunice's house to *bucks Katip (to pick up Yels and Charls) to Vista. Gah.. I hate it when that happens.

It's supposed to be all good. It's supposed to be great.

I wanna cry.

-*-

I was in a state of suicidal *almost* last Tuesday.

I am tired of school. I am tired of almost everything in my life.

But then.. Come to think of it, there are people who catch me just when I am about to fall. How I love them. ;)

-*-

Bad luck does strike a LOT of times. My phone's DEAD. GAK.

Hohwell... Think of the brighter side: CHOCKISS!!! :D

-*-

I am HUNGRY. Hrrrr.

GRR.

2005-08-15T02:26:00.000-07:00

Potch. Ano ba namang wala akong gana na gumawa ng kahit ano. Leche. I need to get back on my toes! I have a paper due tomorrow and I am not in the mood to do it. Not the slightest bit. GRRR.

And I need to go to UST tomorrow for an interview. GAH.

GAAAAH!

Ano ba nangyayari saken? Anak ng tipaklong naman oh.. GRR.

The L-Word

2005-08-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

I hate it.

I dislike you.

It's one big potchi, really.

I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!!!

-*-

Come Friday, WASAKAN na!!! Putana, inuman all day all night! Goodluck na lang sa 199 noh? Wahaha...

Okay, on August 19, we're having not just a BIG birthday bash but a birthday FIESTA!!! Yeahbah, I am excited. SOOOO excited. It has been a long time since the Kada's been together. Oh well... Party on people.. ;)

-*-

I don't like being disappointed. I hate it.

-*-

While being sad last night, we realized that we are one crazy bunch, drowning ourselves with caffeine and nicotine pretending that nothing is the matter and then at the end of the day, you find yourself caged in that something you're trying so hard to runaway from. It's like that, it's one big cycle. The morining after, you try to drown yourself with caffeine, nicotine, and occasionally, acads tas you feel all the pain na naman before you sleep.

It's never gointa stop. It would always be like this until we all have the strength to get out.

I am happy. *Really now?*

At least there's always the crazy bunch who's always ready to catch me just as I'm about to fall. What pain couldn't a pack of Peels and a Venti Coffee Frap comfort?

Heed the comfort they bring, suppress the pain you feel and you'll be fine.

-*-

PERO...

Sino ginago ko?

Giving Up and Getting Out

2005-08-14T14:21:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like giving up everything you've been holding on to for such a long time? I have. I so want to quit and just get out of every shit that my life is in right now. No, I am not suicidal. I just want to, ionno... I wanna be refreshed. I just want to go. Go away from it all.

I would like to believe that THIS is just a phase. I hope. Cuz if this isn't, then I guess there's only one sensible thing to do...

-*-

Anyhoo, I wanna go on LOA. Mukang di ko na gusto magaral. Lenchebes na buhay to. Ayoko na talaga. GRR.

-*-

Punyeta.

Period.

On Ordinary Days v. 1

2005-08-06T14:51:00.000-07:00

Mother and Daughters. Me, Twinnie, and Yella during Dack's birthday.

Ang malalandi sa buhay ko. :p Yella, Krissy, and Alec being normal. :D

Kami na naman. AmAm with her "AS" look. ;p

PARE! Krissy and Charls during one of our meetings for our Theater Prod. Sa background: "I don't really care... blah blah blah..."

On Ordinary Days v. 2

2005-08-06T14:50:00.000-07:00

Photo op! Haha.. While Krissy and Ken were busy doing thesis work, we were cam-whoring! =D

The Zoolander look. :D

Do the candy wink! Sa AS Steps yan ha! :D

Krissy and Me. While waiting for Alec...

Cam-whoring at the AS Steps.. SSDD on a normal day. ;p

Gurlets ko. LOL. :D

The Daughter and Mother, yet again. ;)

Malalandi talaga sila. Haha!

Sila at ako. Si BriBri nasa background. ;)

Wala lang. Notice Yella... So landi talaga!!! =p

The Deneb and us. Heehee.

Pagkatapos mabasa sa ulan, picture ulet! Ganito talaga kame noh.. Asa cab yan papunta sa Kamuning. :D

Such a Bore!

2005-08-06T14:06:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a long two days for me. I haven't been doing much since yesterday, after having known that our Speech 136 class was cancelled. It wasn't annoying though, cuz I was scheduled to report yesterday. Teehee. ;p and that means I've more time to prepare. Oh, that doesn't mean that I haven't prepared cuz I already did! *defensive* I've done the PPT and hand-outs myself.. *without asking the help of my partner!* Heehee. There goes my supergirl stint, which happens once in a blue moon. *read: pag haggard na at sunod-sunod ang deadlines :p*

Today's the UPCAT. So, we didn't have CWTS class. The day's slowly becoming a bore.. I want to go out but the weather sucks. We were supposedta go to Museo Pambata to watch a play which is sponsored by Anino. My *twin* and I woke up at 730 na and we were to meet Charls at 830, tas ulan pa ng ulan.. We didn't go na lang.. Charls said meme na lang daw kami. Hehe..

Hay.. I so want to go on a vacation. Swear. Anywhere outside the Metro would do.. Kahit Tagaytay lang. Or Galera. Or Laguna. *Pansol or EK would be great! =D* Subic. Ilocos. Palawan. Siargao. Boracay. Haha! Potah.

I just want to be refreshed, free from the hassles and deadlines. I want to be unsaturated. *cuz super saturated nako kei Ma'am Bulan!* I need a break. Hehe.

-*-

Ouch. :p

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you say
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

But I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don't you break my heart slow

I like the way you'd hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you'd say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you mean
Do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home thinking we’re together
I wanted our love last forever

Wala lang. natuwa lang ako. :D

Sick Cycle Carousel

2005-08-03T18:01:00.000-07:00

I am in Molave right now. It kind of freaks me out that somehow, I'm longing for the comfort it used to bring. Yeah, it did bring me comfort. I've stayed here half my college life, the other half being Kalayaan and my present boarding house. Anyway, wala lang. I just missed Molave. *suddenly pukes* =p

-*-

Life is never permanent, is it? If that's the case, why is it that some people just can't grasp the truth that one day, you will lose the people you care for.

Some people are just sooo uptight. I hate it. I hate it when you try to suppress your feelings. I hate guessing, I hate assuming. And above all, I hate waiting.

I hate this girl. Potah.

I hate myself.

I hate same shit. It always goes around in circles. It's sick. Yeah, it's a sick cycle carousel.

-*-

I need a pack of Peels. And a few Vodkas. Grr.

-*-

Umayos ka naman, wag kang balahura.

Dragonfly

2005-07-25T18:30:00.000-07:00

It was his birthday last Saturday. Only a few people came. And I think it didn't make him that happy. How I just wish that he's happy despite the absence of other people. I hope that even if not everybody came, he's been made happy by our presence.

Anyway, as for me...

I am not happy. I am sooo far from being in that state. As a matter of fact, happiness is something alien to me. I just lost my phone yesterday... it has been snatched by some asshole while I was riding the trike from Mini-Stop Katipunan to *bucks. Leche. I should have ridden the trike na di nakapila. Everything was just a mess yesterday.

And yeah, the people you expect to comfort you are the very people who didn't show any sign of it. Instead, they scold you. Is it my fault to suffer such grave circumstance? No, I don't think so. It is something beyond my control. I know that I should not text while I was in that damn trike but then I always do that. Bwiset lang talaga kahapon.

-*-

Hmm... I badly need some comfort right now. Any kind would do... like a cake, siomai, ice cream, chocolate... whatever that would make me feel good. Haaay.

-*-

I didn't notice it but others did. I didn't care but they did. It was unusual but you just weren't with me.

You wanted me to go but I said no. When I finally decided to do so, you asked why. What is wrong? Is it just me or is there something I should know?

Why can't you see me like I see you? Can't you feel me like I feel you? Can't you be with me tonight?

Potah.

2005-07-16T16:08:00.000-07:00

I just came from the library to study for my Socio 127 midterms. I wasnt able to accomplish my goal of staying there till 5pm. I would've but because I got annoyed at something, I left GenRef then went up to the CAL section to borrow a book for thesis purposes. I tried study, but the momentum has dissipated. Then I went down to the Filipiniana section to borrow another book for thesis. After which, I realized how badly I wanted to go home.. I am sooo famished. I forgot to eat lunch.

Hmm.. I have to pass another first draft cuz I rephrased my question and changed some variable.. Hay. I think I'll be stuck doing first drafts.. Haha! Then I won't be able to finish my thesis. LOL.

Haggard na noh.. We'll be having our Socio 127 midterms on Tuesday. Hindi pa thoroughly discussed yun readings ha! Lechebes na layp ito.

I am sooo pissed right now. I just realized it kanina while studying at the lib.. Ghad! How long? How long?

Anyway... Yesterday was a very bad day for me. I woke up early for my 8.30 class.. I joined AmAm, Dey and Sir for breakfast. Then *she* goes to the bathroom to supposedly take a bath. 30 minutes passed and *she* still hasn't gone out of the bathroom. After a while, *she* went inside our room UNBATHED! Good lord! *She* spent a good 40 minutes inside the bathroom and *she* didn't take a bath!?! Okay, *her* tummy's bad daw.. Fine. I could've let it pass if *she* didn't laugh at how late I could be for class! I mean, hello!? There's thos friggin' thing called consideration!!!

So, there. Strike one. In Socio class, everything was normal.. Except for the announcement of the exam. Then after, JP and I went to NISMED to consult with Ma'am Bulan.. Okay lang naman.. Everything was fairly okay yday except the fact that I started it very badly and it went on the whole day... I would snap at anybody if bad mood strikes. *Sorry Ken!!*

At the end of the day... Another *someone* pissed me off. Lechebes talaga. So diba, I slept feeling sooo bad. Hrrrngh.

TODAY: I am still pissed. I wasnt able to attend my 7 o'clock class cuz I woke up at 9 na. I was even late for my so-called "Lib-duty".. Grr talaga.

Leche.

I need food. I need chocolate. I need something to calm me down! >=(

Dumbydum..

2005-07-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

One.

Two.

Three.

Yay! I am finally done with my draft. Thank God. Thank God..

It's freakin' 3 in the am and I am still here.. Apparently, I am not sleepy anymore.. And thank goodness Ion't have class tomorrow. But oh, I hafta camp out in the Library again cuz I hafta read up on my thesis topic.. Yuhuuuh... This is what thesis does to you.. Especially if you are under Ma'am Bulan! Ahaha...

Anyway, i guess i still hafta grab some zzz's.. I need them... Hohwell...

Nyterz..

*

Oh, btw... Happy Birthday MOM!!! I love you!

From your brat of an eldest daughter... :D

TAMAD!

2005-07-12T09:49:00.000-07:00

Oo noh. Tamad ako.

I didnt attend my Socio class because I didnt feel like it. Hrrr. Tama ba naman yun?! Malamang hinde... Hehehe...

Hohwell... Thesis is suicide. Ma'am Bulan's driving me nuts. Potch.

Nitatamad akong gumawa ng whatever!!!!!

Kill Me.

2005-07-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

My god. Draft of our chapter 1 in Sp199 is due tomorrow. Yeah, chapter 1 of our thesis, which btw, is not yet our final topic. And yeah, our prof is driving us crazy. We spent the whole month of June doing pretty much nothing but reflections then she'd surprise us with this one without even discussing how exactly we'd do it. She just approved our topics last week and she'd expect us to submit a well-researched and well-written introduction tomorrow?! With barely a week to prepare for it! Mygod.

Anyway... I'm broke. As in soooo broke. Ion't have money na. I've to go to Astoria Tower pa tomorrow to meey my Tito and Tita and I've thesis research, Socio readings, reports and all that crap. Gaaah. And oh, I've to buy *something* pa... Huuu.

Oh, speaking of Socio... We lost in our debate. Huu. I wasn't the best speaker even. *double huu* oh well, you win some, you lose some. That's just sad.

Hrrrrm..

I've been craving for siomai non-stop. No, I've been craving non-stop. Gaaaah. Help me God.

I am tired. I wanna sleep.. But.. but.. I haven't been doing anything. Grabe na to. I'm nauulol na. I hafta do that darn chapter 1 pa. Por dat, `ta `ta everyone!

Hectic

2005-07-05T18:12:00.000-07:00

Hay. I just had a consultation with my Speech 199 professor yesterday. My topic is ALMOST approved. I just have to check a few theses to make sure that I wouldn't have the same study as they had.. Hohwell... Por dat, I have to camp out sa C.V. Fonacier Library tomorrow afternoon.. I just hope things will be well. ;)

And oh, my debate in Socio 127 would be on Friday na! Gaaah... Hectic noh. I HAVE to be the Best Speaker. Hrrrmmm..

My Mom texted me yesterday about pursuing masteral studies in Speech Pathology in Australia. I'm quite interested. Haha. Would it be "Australia, here I come!" for me? :p *Note to PONG: Patulong naman oh!! :D*

-*-

Hmm.. Seven months and counting... ;p

Alabshubaby!

s s d d

2005-06-27T18:42:00.000-07:00

I just came from class. I'm cold. I wanna pee. Hee. =p

It's same shit different day for me once again. It's nothing new.. And if it's not new, why am I still not used to it? Honestly, I am tired. It just goes around in circles, one moment it's all happiness and bliss... Then the next thing I'd know, it'll be shit, shit and still shit.

It just pisses me off how things turn out to be like this.

Fuck insensitivity.

Fuck rejection.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

-*-

Moving on... Malapit na grad pic! Huwaaaaw!!! Excited!

Okay, grad pic equals extra EXTRA extra money... Extra money equals shopping... Shopping equals CHUCKS!! Yay! Haha! =D

I am a brat. I know, right? =D

Speaking of grad pic... Model si Kuya Em!! At oo, super nakakatuwa at nakakatawa ang pics niya! You guys hafta see it! I swear! (Visit FC Galeria 1... or 2? Basta FC Lobby! ;p)

-*-

Hay layps...

Umayos ka naman!!!

I Like!!!

2005-06-27T04:19:00.000-07:00

The brat wants these:

Matagal ko nang gusto 'to... Mommeeeeehhh... =D

Imana get this tom!! Yay! Yay!! =D

* Am supposed to give this someone a pair of Havs kaso lang... Mei isang papapampam... So di bale na lang nohhh....

Walang Kwenta

2005-06-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I am supposed to type something for my Speech 136 class.. But I just can't seem to start it. Benson, my classmate in that class, told me that he isn't sure if we're supposed to pass it. So what, am I gonna do it? I mean, I already have a speaker in mind.. I just can't write my thoughts down. Haha. =p

I was checking my mail a while back and I found out that my Tito from Texas sent some pics. So I checked them... And mygod... My cousins are sooo grown up already! Chiara, who is around 4 or 5 years younger than me, is taller than I am! And they've all grown to be sooo pretty... Nico naman has gotten chubby. Haay.. Haven't seen them in such a long time...

Anyway... I am having quite a dilemma right now. Tapos na si Krissy sa problemang to noh.. Tas ako naman. Haha. Whatisthat! Whatever whatever... Dapat mei maisip nako... Hmm..

My friends and I are going to Intramuros tonight. We're gointa watch a play there.. Enaco naman kasi yang si Dina... Andame pinapagawa. Hectic.

I've to have a thesis topic SOON. Lechebes, nahihirapan nako sa kakaisip noh... I really want to do a study on the effects of a person's vernacular/native language (e.g. Ilocano, Bisaya, etc...) to his spoken English. Obviously, it would be an associational research. Gak, kelangan ko na ng statistician!!

-*-

Oh well... I know I'm being a bad girl.

I haven't attended my Socio 127 class today. Too much sleep. ;p

I still haven't visited my Lola. She was in the hospital last weekend.. Malamang nasa bahay na sha... Tsk.

-*-

I miss you.

Picchurs

2005-06-18T11:52:00.000-07:00

These pictures are way overdue... Summer reg to.. E duhr, andali lang magreg noh kaya tambay lang sa CASAA.. The place to see and to be seen! :p

Jeanne and Arla.. Si Jeanne ginagaya nia yung someone na nasa IBC. ;p

The clique in CASAA. Walang magawa kaya picchur picchur na lang! Hehe! Si Jeyps feeling nia birthday nia kaya andun sha sa lahat ng picchurs! :))

Kame pa din... Ayun na naman si Jeyps oh!

See the action!! Ewan ko kung ano ginagawa ni Charleenah! ;p

Krissy and Me sa CAL Basement. Krissy: Say.. Kuripupu!!!

2005-06-18T11:13:00.000-07:00

I just came from my 7-10 CWTS class and early lunch with Tong aka TASHA EGAT. :D

It was an Über boring class huh! But then guess what we discussed? Our prof haf us listen to PGMA's wire-tapped conversations with COMELEC Commissioner Garcilliano and his other conversations with some politicians including Mike Arroyo and Robert Barbers. He even gave us copies of the CD! Haha! Whatisthat!?

-*-

Oh well... There's nothing much to say right now.. I am sated. LOL.

I am bored but I'm happy. Yeah, baby. ;)

2005-06-17T10:54:00.000-07:00

So.. I changed my lay-out. Hee. ;p

I'm feeling weird. Lalalala...

Since I can't produce coherent thoughts... Let me do it in bullets. Hehe..

Yesterday was a fun day cuz...

I spent a lot of time with my friends... Kalokohan ito. :D
I went out with Dack, Ken and Rhona.
Dack gave me a Hale cd! Yay! Yay!
Watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith.. Por dat, Batman na!!!
And then some...

Hay. When I'm happy, I suck at this. When I'm in so much frustration naman... Ayun. =p

I am hungry.

So Long Sweet Summer

2005-06-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in such a long while. My lay-out is sooo out-of-date. And worse, I don't really give a damn. Haha. :D

School's been on for a week already. And guess what?! We already have too many requirements lined up! Ghad!

I've Speech 199 which is a class for thesis prep and research under Prof. Bulan (read: WORK); Speech 138 which is Intercultural Communication.. still under Prof. Bulan; Socio 127, a class on Political Sociology under the famous Prof. Walden Bello; Speech 136, Public Address, which means we have to deliver speeches and stuff like that under Prof. Villy (and in total fairness to her, bumabaet na siya! Yay! ;p); Theater 161, Philippine Contemporary Theater under Prof. Landicho na mukhang mei sariling mundo.. Haha! And lastly Speech 135, Interpersonal Communication under Prof. "Lucy" Pinzon.. Haha! Our class hasn't met yet cuz laging walang pasok pag Monday.. So next week pa.. Hmm..

As for requirements, anak ng boogie... Andami na noh! I've thick readings for Socio, a book report and paper for Theater, constant research and lib work for Speech 199... And God knows what else! Hay layps..

On the brighter side however, I'm HOPING to graduate this April. Hehe. Emphasis on hoping. ;p

-*-

What else? Hmm... Oh..

I've transferred to AmAm's boarding house.. Hee. It's fine. Period. =p

Haaaay. Whatever.

-*-

As for other stuff... All I've got to say is...

Steady Lang.

Catch Me a Firefly

2005-05-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

I have been staying here at Yella's since last Monday. This is so much fun. I swear. At least I get to have someone to bum around with... Although my phone hasn't been beeping that much anymore cuz apparently Yels and I wouldn't text na. As for Krissy... She's been at home since God knows when... *Hoooy! Pakita ka naman! :p*

So anyway... The highlights of the week... :D

Monday, May 23:

INUMAN!!! Margarita is like heaven... Yeah baby. We made our own Margarita noh, and kame lang dalawa ang uminom.. Good thing my cousin Mario, who came all the way from Taft and who didn't even know where Yels' house was, came. Now that's what you call spontaneity.

Anyway... I swear that was the last time I'll ever get drunk. EVER. Grabe. As in grabe talaga.

Just that amidst all the merriment, I knew that alcohol can never take away whatever pain I was feeling. For a while it was fine but then it got the better of me and made me think. And when I say think, REALLY think.

It's just so unfair. So unkind and so... Whatever.

Tuesday, May 24:

BUM. Haha!!

I love quarter-pounder. Yumyumyum. :D

TODAY:

House of Wax was sooo funny. LOL.

Paris Hilton was so kawawa. Walang ginawa noh. :p while Chad Michael Murray was... How do you spell hot? :p

Oh well.. Wala pa din. I still feel sucky. I don't know what to do na.

Eurrrgh.

Next time.

-*-

Into the arid and empty spaces of my heart, you came and my life was like a 'watered garden.'

If you're not willing to sound stupid, you do not have the right to fall in love.

Something's Got to Give

2005-05-23T14:01:00.000-07:00

Haay. I am finally done with work and school. :)

I BADLY need a vacation. A REAL one.

I wanna go to the beach.

I need rest.

I need... Ah, whatever.

-*-

Someone's not telling me something.

I hate it.

I hate it when you have to wait for God knows how long then in the end, you'll find out that it wasn't worth waiting for.

I hate waiting.

I hate being told what to do. *hear, hear*

Hay. Whatev na lang.

-*-

I'm going to have a blast tonight! Yahoo! :D

-*-

Someone has to give.

Right?

Right.

booze, burn and bum

2005-05-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

i am fucking tipsy right now.

as in RIGHT NOW. :D

am in my cousins' place and it's their mom's birthday, they prepared the "ultimate gift" for her -- dinner, movie and a new phone..

everyone's asleep except me, mario, karina, paulo and his girl nicci... we've been drinking and burning since 10pm. haha. ;)

i finished off half a bottle of gin... ALL BY MYSELF, dood. gah!

i am tipsy. oh god. i wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow, that am sure of. geez.

it's been a while since i got to hang out with them.. like november 2003?! and they didn't know i am like this. nyaknyaknyak.

gawwd. i write awfully. am even having a hard time typing, i press the rong keys, you see. ;p we're actually having a break cuz pau and nicci went off to buy drinks and stuff. gah, that means we're not yet done. haha! :D

it's okay though, i seldom hang out with them naman e, and i already called the house... i'll be out LATE. err, say... i'll be home early... for tomorrow?! now, that's a change. :D

-*-

i miss tambay sessions na!!! *tambay buddies, are you still there? :p*

-*-

oooh, lemme greet my honey a happy 5th month anniversary! :D

cant' believe it's actually may na!

and yeah, it's our 5th month on the 5th day of the 5th month of the year. go figure. :D

-*-

hafta bounce! they're here na! ;)

-*-

god, i hope tita bibette wouldn't notice that am *drunk* and i smell *smokey*... LOL.

-*-

amishuall! *muah!*

Leaving You

2005-04-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

what am loving now:

Leaving You * Session Road

I'm watching me make a fool of myself
Silently speaking my wish to be free
Turning my world inside out
Spin my emotions building my doubt

I fed on this strangeness plain and true
But there was nothing beneath it i knew
I see myself falling falling from grace
My life fading without grace

I'm tired of waiting here for you
Can't waste my time, i'm leaving you

I'm watching me make a fool of myself
Silently speaking my wish to be free
Turning my world inside out
Spin my emotions building my doubt

And now that you've taken the world out of me
I'm left with my body hanging free
As lovers come and comfort me
I'm still left with my misery

I'm tired of waiting here for you
Can't waste my time, i'm leaving you

I'm leaving you

i will never ______ bleep!

2005-04-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

hmm... i havent been going online for some time already. i mish doing this na ha. :p

-*-

i am deprived of tambay today. haha. oh well, at least i get to rechannel my emotions and time for other people.. *hear hear*

tambay is... going all the way from alabang or makati to katipunan to bum around (read: burn, play pusoy and coffee) for a couple of hours with my friends (read: krissy [with alec and his bunch] and yella)...

i find my *sanity* when i tambay. i forget about what hurts me, what bothers me and what's slowly killing me.

-*-

i miss this someone.

big time.

-*-

playing questions with yella and krissy yesterday just... made me think.

haaay.

haaay.

haaay.

no expectations. no efforts. nothing.

-*-

pffft.

i need my sanity back.

tsssk.

2005-04-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

haillloooo people...

hmm.. so what what what?! nothing really.

am not feeling so good right about now. think about waking up at the wrong side of the bed. hrngh...

-*-

hmm.. it's a welcome retreat not having cried for two nights now. dumbydumbydum...

why am i crying exactly?

gawd. i can't understand why. really.

yella said wala naman daw talagang prob.. so why? why the fuck am i not feeling good?

why am i not happy?

tanginech naman oh.

-*-

why do i cry the moment i get inside my room?

and why don't i know the reason why?

why is this happening to me?

why?

why?

fucking why?!?!?!

-*-

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all

Do you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're faraway
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

Do you expect me to believe I'm gonna let us fall apart?
I could feel I could feel you near me, even when you're faraway
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

So go and think about whatever you need to think about
Go ahead and dream about whatever you need to dream about
And come back to me when you know just how you feel, you feel
I could feel I could feel you near me, even though you're faraway
I could feel I could feel you baby, why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you, I need you, I need you
Tell me, are you and me still together?
Tell me, do you think we could last forever?
Tell me, why

-*-

hay layp.

hmm.. conclave starts today! haha! :)

same ground

2005-04-16T10:51:00.000-07:00

My love
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love was beyond
What human can imagine
More it clears
The more i gotta let you go'cause what i don't understand

Is why i'm feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

My love
It's been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It's hard
Leaving you the way
When i never really wanted to

Self denial
Is a game so strange i never really should've wanted
Til there was you
Cause i have learned that love
Is a word just thrown
A little bit too much of this
Excuse to fill this infinite of desire
And nevere ever have to fade

Cause what i don't understand
Is why i'm feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could've just denied the truth and lied
Now why am i the only one standing stranded
On the same ground

If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?

an irony of sorts * questions with no answers

2005-04-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

/ april 13, 23.31

something is the matter.

i can't go on pretending that there's nothing wrong, that everything in my life is perfectly well cuz if i go on... i could die any moment.

-*-

the more i try to suppress the feeling of pain, the more it intensifies. every night as i lay in bed, trying not to think at all, the more the feeling seeps in. i revel in my busyness because at that moment, i forget. but the moment i stop, ugly thoughts come rushing in. the more i try to ignore, the more it manifests. gawd. would this go on forever?

stop me from doing something i would later on regret. stop me from thinking thoughts that don't have the right to dwell in my mind. stop me. and save me from the pain and misery that's slowly drowning me.

i cry this pain away, hoping that when the tears dry up, i could no longer feel. i wish to be numb from this pain but HOW? how can i get to that place when the only way of getting there is the way i refuse to take?

why is it that when i open up, i get rejected? when i try to reach, i get shut out? i reach, but all i reach is nothingness. it's like catching raindrops, the moment you feel it in your hands, it gets away. easy come, easy go.

-*-

GOD, help me. help me. help me.

-*-

isn't this a two-way road? why does it seem freakin' one way now?

have we grown to be strangers?

where is the feeling of home?

where...

are...

you...?

-*-

and rico blanco sang:

close your eyes, dry your tears, when everything seems unclear, you'll be safe here.

-*-

and the moment i stopped writing, tears began to fall.

doooog!

2005-04-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

i need air.

cuz it's getting harder and harder and harder to breathe.

air.

air.

air.

haay.

feels like home...

2005-04-10T14:58:00.000-07:00

i am in philcoa right now. *yels, oo nasa philcoa ako. haha!* i just came from UP to meet up with yella [my mother], krissygurL [the princess], and seth [taga ibang fam.. na lageh nang-aaway saken ;p].. and yeah, i finally got my cam! yahoo!! yahoo!! yahoo!! can i be more exaggerated? LOL. :D

hmm... it has been a long day for me, but it's still 2 in the afternoon. gawd, can you just imagine travelling all the way from alabang... then going to makati to submit my papers for OJT and then to UP?! gah! south to north yun! parang nilakbay ko ang buong ka-maynilaan!!! oh well, i can't blame anyone cuz it's been my decision to stay in alabang for the summer.. and good lord! my tita suggested that i stay there until i graduate! gawd! i mean, it's great, what with free food, electricity, laundry and all that.. but travelling for 2 hours to get to school and then another 2 to go home is such a hassle! especially if i do that everyday... and for one whole year... gawd! i just can't do that...

oo na, maarte. :)

-*-

i have been in alabang since wednesday. it's all good except that it sometimes get a little too boring... hehe. i don't watch tv cuz the tv's either in the kitchen or in my lola's room. i just stay in my room... reading. haha. i love it though. ;)

i've just finished Angels and Demons and yeah, i am addicted to it! kulang na lang ata di ako matulog eh. hehe. it's true that the book is un-put-downable... cuz it really is! hmm.. if not for the Pope's death more than a week ago, i wouldn't be reading the book. kaso yella has been talking about it while i was staying at her house.. eh yun. and now, i wanna go to Rome. hehe. feel na feel ko kasi yung story, lalo na nun napanood ko yung post-funeral feature ng CNN. oh well...

i crush Robert Langdon in the book. he is soooo smart. gawd...

i am currently engrossed with Memoirs of a Geisha right now... malapit ko na din matapos.. yahoo... at oo, pagkatapos ko sa Rome.. punta ko sa Japan. *pronounced as Ja-pooooooon :p*

that, my friends is how bum i could get. :p

but then i love being in alabang... i don't have to spend when am there. cuz it's all paid for. like when my tita and i went to ATC to watch a movie, we bought for ourselves Häagen-Dazs.. 3 scoops per cone! indulgence!!! hehehe! :D

haaaay..

-*-

i was in UP kanina.. i kinda missed it. hay. i miss the comfoy\rt it brings. i miss the familiarity. i miss everything.

kaya when i got there, i can't help but smile... cuz it felt soooo much like home. hehe..

-*-

i miss my people.. *ahemORGASMahem*

oh well... imana see y'all SOON! really soon!

-*-

imana start my ojt tomorrow. at oo, sa ACCOUNTING ako. gah!! numbers!! numbers are gonna eat me up! hehe! :)

but am excited. hay, goodbye bumming na. :(

trabaho na ito!!! at oo, WALANG bayad. sana UNO ako dito. heheh. :)

-*-

hmm.. am done. i think. imana meet my honey pa. LOL.

byerz to the max! *ala denebee*

lalala...

2005-04-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

i have finally finished packing my stuff... the only problem now is how to get to alabang with all my things.. hehe! :D

oh well, i'll get through this somehow. ;p i am a seasoned packer, y'know. haha!

-*-

gawd. i just realized that today is my LAST day in molave.. lalalala.. happy? yeah, i think so. LOL.

oh well, i better go and take a bath... i feel so toxic. icky... tired. sleepy. lahat na! hehe...

2005-04-05T23:33:00.000-07:00

i haven't completed my packing yet.. as usual, tamad mode na naman. hehe. anyhoo, this one's easy... ;p

-*-

i was at national bookstore this afternoon, it was kinda weird to see the book about the pope, something about memories blahblah... it got me thinking, the pope just died a few days ago tapos mei book na kaagad about his memory? labo. hehe.

-*-

it's sad that it's summer tapos i won't be able to feel it. no beach escapade or even a decent vacation for me... for a lot of us, actually. sucky.

i went swimming with yella and krissy last friday... hoping that we get tanlines. di rin noh... wish lang pala namin yun. tsk. =p

weh, i miss yella's house. haha! :D

-*-

yesterday, i was out with yella, krissy, alec and alec's friend, benjo... we bummed in starbucks... we were there around 11a.. the moment we got there, we played cards... hayok e.. kasi di kami pinapayagan maglaro sa CASAA. haha! ;)

at first, it was just lucky 9, tapos tong-its tapos pusoy dos. oo noh, we played til 230pm! then we transferred to jollibee to eat our very late lunch... then after, we went back to starbucks... to play again. this time, it was harder cuz whoever lost, mei sasagutin na tanong na medyo mei kahalayan.. haha!

honesty was definitely not my policy yesterday. :D

favorite line: tanginangnakampuchkinarir! =p

-*-

dumbydumbydumDEPRIVED*AKOdumbydum. =p

lipat-bahay na naman!

2005-04-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

to my friends, i am very sorry... i have changed my blog address for the Nth time already! O.o

why the sudden change? it's pathetic. you see, i realized it's very much easier to use blogger, especially in changing layouts.. anyway, i am still very tamad to transfer my posts from my other blog.. hehe.

it's still active though... want a glimpse? clickie!

-*-

i will be leaving for alabang tomorrow morning... yahoo, the life of a bum... welcome to my world! haha!

then again, NOT. i will be working next week. uhuh, work WITHOUT pay ito!

-*-

ooohh... it's april 5 pala... happy four months, hOney! :D

-*-

wala lang... :D

leytuh, people!

2005-04-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

2005-04-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

haha.

2005-01-15T20:59:00.000-08:00

am back on blogger. lol.

naw. just doing this para makapost ako sa ORGASM02! lol. =D

w a l a l a n g . . .

LJ

wuuuh.

woo.

work.

onepointtwentyfive

freeassociation

freud and psychoanalysis.

walkout

*breathe*

vday doesnt need to be sucky

25

*

...

hahahaha

i might as well be dead.

*censored*

fuckityfuckfuck.

Rockin' Christmas

wheeee!!!

*sigh*sigh*

...

It's Over and Done

quickie part 2

Sad but Happy

Unang Araw

thesis mode. kunwari. :D

crap.

flashback

angst angst angst!

quickie.

dull birthday.

and all that Sh*t goes down the drain...

One-half gay. Another half gay-er.

CUT.

Finally.

In Havana, at the Copacabana, have a Banana :D

Yay!

repost.

Bettah!

bLank.

Do It Again, I'll Kill You.

Can it Be?

Sad Story

Breakdown.

Dumbydum..

Gradpic

Momentum

A Lot Like Love

GRR.

The L-Word

Giving Up and Getting Out

On Ordinary Days v. 1

On Ordinary Days v. 2

Such a Bore!

Sick Cycle Carousel

Dragonfly

Potah.

Dumbydum..

TAMAD!

Kill Me.

Hectic

s s d d

I Like!!!

Walang Kwenta

Picchurs

So Long Sweet Summer

Catch Me a Firefly

Something's Got to Give

booze, burn and bum

Leaving You

i will never ______ *bleep!*

tsssk.

same ground

an irony of sorts * questions with no answers

doooog!

feels like home...

lalala...

lipat-bahay na naman!

haha.

breathe

censored

sighsigh*

i will never ______ bleep!